When I got up this morning I had no idea what I was going to write about but by the time I dropped off the kids at school I knew exactly what subject I wanted to tackle, mothers and daughters.

The day started as it always does, kids up, breakfast and lunches made, teeth and hair brushed then off to get dressed, this is where the meltdown happened. My daughter asked to wear the same sweater she had on the day before. She frequently wears two layers such as T-shirt and sweater in case she gets overly warm in the classroom. Well, Her thought was that she had only worn it for a short bit and it was more than clean enough to be worn a second day. Now, I am constantly telling the kids if you only wore it for fifteen minutes hang it back up don’t throw it in the wash or you will do all the laundry for the week. If you’re a parent then you know how fast the laundry piles up especially with kids who throw clean laundry in to the pile instead of rehanging it. I wasn’t fond of the idea of her wearing the same top to school two days in a row so I told her it would be better if she picked a different sweater. She happily agreed and headed back up to her room to pick a different one. I followed her up to her room.

There is a reason I followed her to her room. My daughter is almost ten and like so many her age an older she can stand in her closet for an hour before she determines what she will wear that day. While I respect her need to feel good about her clothing choices I also have a schedule to keep and hoped to be able to move her through this process a little quicker. By the way we usually pick out clothes either the night before or even for the whole week on Sundays to help avoid this conundrum.

I pulled hangers out of the closet quickly asking, “This one?”

Shortly answered by, “No”

“Why”

“Too pink”

“Ok, what about this one”

“Too itchy”

“Alright what about this one”

“Ehh, no”

“What’s wrong with it?”

“I just don’t like it”

“Then why did I buy it for you?”

“I don’t know?” followed by a look that says I don’t know what the hell you were thinking when you bought that.

Now here is where I really am starting to get annoyed. See, for the most part my children pick out all their own clothes, reason being trying to get kids to where clothes they don’t like is akin to pulling teeth. So within reason they pick all their own clothes just so I can avoid mornings like these. Unfortunately if I am lucky enough to buy something that is big enough to fit for more than a season they probably won’t like it that long, and that is what was happening here.

I reached into the closet and pulled out one more sweater. This one is to me at least was really nice. It is an Old Navy, blue and white knit, non-itchy soft cotton. She gave me the look, if you’re a mom of a girl you know this look, if not your missing out on one of those things that will piss you off and make you smile at the same time.

She says, “I don’t like it!”

I say, “Why?”

She says, “I just don’t like it.”

“Well there is nothing wrong with it and we are running out of time. Just put it on you never know you might actually like it, you used too.” I say.

At this point I am shoving the sweater over her head tucking arms in and hoping for the best. The face on the head that pops from the top of the hole I immediately want to stuff back in. She is totally pissed off, has ceased all speech and is starting to cry. Ladies most of you will know this moment, you are upset to the point your angry and you don’t want to cry but it happens anyway. What makes this worse is my daughter splotches horribly when she cries, big pinkish red splotches all over her face, and it’s even worse when she tries not to cry which she is currently trying not to do.

“What’s wrong?” is my response.

Of course to this I get no verbal response but the tears are starting the trail down her cheeks.

“Alexis, why are you crying over a sweater?” I say.

“I..I…I just dddon’t liiike it.” She finally responds through her tears.

Now, please understand something here I truly believe in picking your battles with your children and clothing is usually a subject that I will not battle over. Yet for some odd reason in this moment I feel it is necessary to teach her some perspective, for Christ sakes it’s only a sweater. Yes I am a woman and I know it’s never only just about the sweater but honestly I want her to learn to like herself even in a sweater she doesn’t like and I decide to commit fully to the battle.

“Alexis it’s fine, you look fine besides you will probably take it off the moment you get into the classroom anyway. Just wear the freaking sweater.”

She looks up at me with big watering eyes and splotchy face and now she is truly entering in to the pissed off zone. Of course being a human being and a parent of multiple children this just pisses me off more. This is not my first argument about clothes with a child and now that I have committed to this battle so I am damn well going to win. By the way, the kids totally get their stubbornness from me.

So again I tell her she will be fine and to get downstairs and finish getting ready for school before she makes everyone late and what does she do? Well of course she just stands there. Now, I have learned not to continue arguing, not that I never do this there have been plenty of times I have fallen into that trap but today I was in my groove. I stepped behind her put my hand gently but firmly on her back and started pushing her to the door. Thank god she moved I would have really hated to have to drag her.

After she made it out of her room she made her way of her own volition the rest of the way downstairs. Another thank god for had she fought me all the way to the steps I may have pushed her down the stairs. Okay I wouldn’t really push her down the stairs but boy does she really know how to push my buttons. I passed her once I got downstairs and went about the rest of morning rituals.

A few minutes later I went to the living room to see her see her sort of plopped, heaped, pouting and crying on the side of the chair. This made me feel guilty. So I did what any self-respecting parents trying to teach their children character lessons do, I told her to get her coat and book bag and get her ass in the car, and yes I said ass. I was feeling guilty remember and that’s what many humans do when their feeling guilty, they get pissed off. Yes I know at this point I was only behaving about two degrees off from my daughter but hey I’m human.

In the car on our very short trip to school I tried my best to make her smile. Told her to take a few deep breaths to try and get rid of the splotches before she walked into school. Of course when she went to get out of the car I told her learn something new, have fun and I love her as I do every day to both of my children. I got a very curt and grumpy love you too. I am grateful for that if for no other reasons than the kids know I will holler it out the window till the say it back if they don’t answer in the car.

Little side note, even my thirteen year old son says I love you every time he leaves or before he hangs up a phone. It’s a big deal to me that the last thing my kids hear from me is I love you. You never know what will happen in life and I want the last thing they ever hear me say to them to be, I love you. Since they have heard this lesson and the words so many times they now have adopted as their own and I really love that.

Well back to Alexis. She didn’t even give me a sideways glance as she climbed out of the car. She joined up with a friend as she started to make her way in I heard he brightly say, “Hey, look I got a new backpack!”

I am so glad that even when she is completely pissed off at me she can still find happiness in her day. I love my daughter’s spirit especially her strong will!

Jennifer Horton 1/24/13