A few years ago, when the word Mississippi was used in my conversation it was in reference to the river, not the state. Having spent most of my life near the big muddy on the Illinois side of the St. Louis region, I never dreamed I would someday go further down her banks to make the state of Mississippi my home. It is a good thing that life can be so much more than we dream.
My family and I have called Ecru, Ms. our home for almost a year and a half now but are only beginning to discover a few of Northeastern Mississippi’s many treasures, one of which, is quickly becoming one of my husband’s and I’s favorites, Natchez Trace Parkway. We live about twenty miles from the Natchez Trace Parkway and it has become our go to place when we want pretty scenery, just a drive, a history lesson, great place to bicycle, a quick or a long hike. Natchez Trace Parkway is a 444 mile two lane scenic road that runs from Natchez, Mississippi to Nashville, Tennessee; an extraordinary part of American history and so much more. To learn more than the knowledge I have or time I have to learn and type it, please visit the National Park Services site. https://www.nps.gov/natr/index.htm
We have traveled the Natchez Trace Parkway from Tupleo, Mississippi to Tishomingo State Park http://www.mdwfp.com/parks-destinations/ms-state-parks/tishomingo.aspx , which is another destination I highly recommend and will be sharing more with you later.
Thus far, we have enjoyed the Trace mostly around the Tupleo, Mississippi area and I wanted to share a bit of what we have enjoyed with you. In case you want to reference what I post today with the map provided on the NPS site they are all listed on map 3, the Tupelo to the Tennessee line (mile post 230-341).
The first place I want to show you is the Thirteen Unknown Confederates marker. I absolutely adore Civil War history and being a Yankee in Rebel Land it has been extremely enlightening. Even if I am from Southern Illinois where brother fought brother it is different way of experiencing history here in the south. It is a moving moment to touch the ground where these unknown soldiers were laid to final rest. Learn more about this marker at the Historical Marker Database. http://www.hmdb.org/marker.asp?marker=84774 or explore southern history http://www.exploresouthernhistory.com/tracegraves.html
The next placed we stopped in was the Twentymile Bottom Overlook, which was a beautiful view even on a hazy December day. Find more info about Twentymile Bottom Overlook and other scenic views on the Trace at http://www.scenictrace.com/scenic-overlooks-on-the-natchez-trace-parkway/
Another place we visited along the way was Donivan Slough, it short hike through a pretty place with informative markers about local tree’s and vegetation.
Not to mention some of my favorite love bird tree carvings.
You can find info for Donivan Slough at the Historical Marker Database http://www.hmdb.org/marker.asp?marker=84763
Here are a few pics from a jeep on a cloudy, hazy, December day, hope you enjoy and it inspires you to come visit Natchez Trace Parkway or head outside to place near you.
Mother Nature Whispers Spring
She inhaled deeply dragging ragged, piercingly cold knives of air across my face.
Then, she held her breath, leaving me in cold desolation for what has seemed an eternity.
I have anxiously anticipated her warm exhalation growing more impatient by the minute.
Like a petulant child, I have stomped my feet and shouted, “I want it now”.
Restlessness and frustration builds and I chomping at the bit for she does not bid my commands.
She is her own woman, as all are, and does things in her own time as she sees fit.
Finally, I begin to see her lips purse and pink and the first tendrils of warm wet breath leave her lips, whispering warm promises of tomorrows spring.
This morning I went out to walk the land and I finally saw what I have been yearning the long months of winter to see; the pink, white, yellow and purple buds that tip the bare branches of tree’s, like paint on the tip of a brush that is getting ready to blossom a canvas with color.
It seems as though the longer winter draws on, the colder my heart grows; till my thoughts, words and actions are sharply edged by jagged, icy razors. Anxiety and restlessness grow and I feel as if I am holding my breath to the point of explosion. I can barely stand to be in my skin. Warm days come followed by cold, giving the feel of partial exhalation followed by even deeper held breaths that tare at the soul. It is at this point, when I begin looking for the buds of spring reminding myself it’s just a bit longer. Today, I found them. I wish I could say that the exhalation was quick and full, relieving all the built up pressure in a geyser of pent of energy and frustration, but it’s not. This exhaled breath will be long and slow, slowly melting the icy edges then working its way center to the core.
While, I try and work with more eloquent words and soft rhythms to explain, in a pretty way, the moments before spring the truth is, in our household, the moments before and at the beginning spring are edgy, ugly and have a staccato rhythm. Everyone is on edge, we argue more and our time trapped in buildings feels like handing TNT, no one is sure when someone will snap. While, this is funny while I write it, it is hell to be in. So, why am I sharing with you that living in my house right now is like working for the bomb squad, well, I am making a guess that mine isn’t the only home like this right now and I want you to know, it is not just you, you are not alone or crazy, and it will be better soon. Until then, I will share a frustrated and condoling tear with you and am sending warm hugs and thoughts of summer time fun. Hang on we will make it through. J
Peace, Love and Happiness,
Jen
Human Under Construction
WARNING
Proceed with Caution
Happy New Year! 2015 was a doozy, here is hoping I learn as much in 2016 but in a much gentler way
Hi and welcome, to Living in a State of Jen, my name if Jennifer Horton a.k.a. Jen and this is my professionally personal website.
I am a human first, but also, a woman, wife, mother, dancer, photographer, graphic designer, deeply passionate, music and book junky, writer, who grouts her own shower, hot headed, impatient, lazy over achiever, type A personality, Virgo, seeker of faith, human being of many, sometimes contradictory, beliefs, interests and so much more.
If you have been to this website before January of 2016, this was my professional website for photography and graphic design; I will still continue both photography and graphic design, but in addition, it is my intention to also incorporate through blog, photography, graphic design and other means, some of my other professional and personal passions.
If you checked into the website in 2015, you definitely noticed there was a distinct lack of new work or anything going on on here, my apologies. 2015 was an extremely difficult year for my family and myself, I will not bore you with all the details here in the “about” section, I am sure some will get leaked out in the blog.
Short version of long story, my life, so by default my work has changed profoundly. A couple such changes and most important to this site are; currently my livelihood does not depend on the popularity of this site which, is incredibly liberating, also last year I lived in southern Illinois and I now, currently, live in Northeastern Mississippi, if you want to know why, look around and stay tuned.
So what the heck will you likely see here on the website?
Let me use the term, likely to include but not limited to;
images, information, links, images and more about;
Photography
Graphic Design
Dance
Parenting
remodeling
child advocacy
being a woman
sexual abuse
music
Mississippi
St. Louis region
Beach
and so much more………………
I can promise you one thing, I never know what life is going to throw at me and my life is a W.I.P. (Work In Progress), so hang on, and prepare for anything and everything.
Wishing you Peace, Love and Happiness,
Jen
P.S. Please, feel free to message me about spelling and grammatical errors, I love not having to pay an editor.
Discovering Alan Lomax via the song “Flower” by Moby
Who would have thought, someone posting a video of Moby’s, “Flower” in reference to a workout would have sent me on hours’ worth of research, visiting the online Library Of Congress and being introduced to the history of Alan Lomax, a man who I think is going to become a bit of an inspiration to me? Wow, I love a knowledge adventure that takes me down the rabbit hole of the internet and my self-discovery. Here’s how it happened…
First, I love music, so, many times when someone shares a video link to a song, I have to check it out.
In the case of “Flower” by Moby, I recognized the tune immediately but not from this version.
For me, there are haunting melodies in my memory
(old folk songs, I can thank my family for the music passed down and many nights of watching PBS documentaries),
that when triggered by other current music
(often because the current song was sampled from old folk music),
I find myself desperately wanting to hear the original version that resonates in my memory.
Unfortunately, I usually don’t know who the original version was done by or even what is different about the lyrics or melody, which makes it a long process of searching for what I thought I was looking for. Why I use the term, what I thought I was looking for, is in this case with Looking for the origin song of “Flower” I was looking for,” Bring Sally Up,” which as it turns out, aren’t even the right lyrics. Although in my defense, by the confusing searches suggestions, I was not the only one to do this. For those of you reading this that are saying in your head or out loud, well duh of course it is, “Green Sally, Up,” thumbs up and gold sticky star for you, Sorry, I had to learn that the long way around, like I do most things in life.
Now, that I am on track with actually knowing the lyrics to the song that I am looking for, which makes it a lot easier, here comes what I thought was going to be the easy part, look up the song to find the one that sounded right to me. I was so wrong! As it turns out, it was not easy because Moby’s version has drowned out older versions, in the ocean of internet info. After, quiet some time, of listening to several versions, one of which, I would ground my children for playing, L I finally stumbled across the one I was looking for (the sound I remembered) and what also seems to be the oldest recording publicly available. Cool, I should be happy and done now and moving along with my day, right?
Umm, wrong….
Now, my curiosity has gotten the better of me, when in this recording several names pop up, Mattie Garder, Mary Gardner, Jesse Lee Pratcher. Now, I really want to see if there are any other recordings by them. They really spark my interest for several reasons; first, the love of new music second, they are African American woman singing cultural music with a deep and tumultuous history and lastly, because I have recently moved to Mississippi which is the birthplace of American music, no not because of Elvis… ;) Ya Gotta sing the blues, baby.
Unfortunately, in the land of internet info, these human beings either do not exist or are buried within millions of pages, UHG… But, thatjust makes me even more determined, to right what I feel is the injustice of these woman not being given enough credit for their contribution. So, now, it is ON internet! I will find at least some information about these people, you will not thwart me! Yes, I know the internet is not against me it is just stored information but if you have ever tried and failed or had intense difficulty trying to find information on the internet, I am sure that you to have felt like it was out to get you; If not try it sometime, delusions of persecution can really help with productivity at times. J
Anyway, back to the main focus, if there is one, which has changed since the beginning of this journey. Well, I just had to go about finding these woman’s history another way. The other name attached to, “Green Sally, Up” is Alan Lomax, who turns out, was this really interesting man who traveled the world, especially the southern states of the US in the late 1950’s recording the folk music, photographing and documenting culture that was not yet widely known, as it would be in the next decade of civil rights movements. Incidentally, this is how I ended up on the Library of congress web site because there is this very interesting book and lecture by Tom Piazza about Alan Lomax which is featured there, though I found it through the World News website. So, now I have gotten this really neat introduction to Alan Lomax who was a significant part of documenting American music and an interesting character to boot but I still don’t know much about Mattie Garder, Mary Gardner, Jesse Lee Pratcher I am hoping as I dig more through Alan Lomax’s work I will find more information, I am really hoping to find photographs of them.
To sum up why I find this so interesting, is one song, one random post on a social website, led me to a man with so many of my common interests such as; music, American music, Mississippi, photography, writing, documentary, history, dance, and so many more things that I look forward to learning.
Isn’t life’s twist and turns, amazing!
I will leave you with a list of links, if you would like to share in what I have discovered today. Obviously, there is a bunch more information out there. Have some fun, jam to a fun groove and soak up some knowledge.
Where it started
Moby - Flower (Official Audio)
The original one I remembered
Mattie Garder, Mary Gardner, Jesse Lee Pratcher - Green Sally, Up
A black children's singing game performed by a group of women in Como, Miss. Moby sampled this song for his song Flower.
The link to WN.com video of Tom Piazza talking about his book about Alan Lomax or where I got really interested in Alan Lomax.
Make it through the dull intro Tom Piazza is a captivating speaker.
The Southern Journey of Alan Lomax: Words, Photographs, and Music
Tom Piazza discussed his new book, "The Southern Journey of Alan Lomax: Words, Photographs, and Music." For captions, transcript, and more information visit ...
http://wn.com/the_southern_journey_of_alan_lomax_words,_photographs,_and_music
Some extra links
Info about the Album, “Green Sally, Up” was on
I‘ll Be So Glad When the Sun Goes Down Alan Lomax’s “Southern Journey” 1959 – 1960
http://www.culturalequity.org/ce_images/features/globaljukebox/IllBeGladOneSheet.pdf
Found more information while searching Jesse Lee Pratche Como, Ms.
Peace, Love and Happiness,
Jen
PS Please feel free to correct my spelling and grammar mistakes, I love not having to pay an editor. J
Just so I don't forget where I have been to get where I am, this is a copy of my previous, about page, for the website.
Also, includes some of that pesky education, training and credentials stuff.
Hi and welcome to Living in a State of Jen. My name is Jennifer Horton aka Jen. I have always had a deep passion for art and photography and this has naturally translated into my chosen field of Computer Graphic Design, which I studied at Lewis and Clark Community College.
Through my degree training I have or am studying in the areas of Basic Design, Graphic Design, Drawing, Public Speaking, Advanced Digital Photography and Web publishing amongst many others. Along with those areas I am trained in Adobe Photoshop, InDesign, Dreamweaver and Illustrator.
I cannot begin to describe the passion I feel for the work that I am doing. Photography and graphic design to me is visual story telling using light, color, composition, line, shape, texture, text and more to convey the world around me and the world within. I am constantly striving to create powerful, memorable and inspiring images and graphics. I love everything from advertising, Photoshop manipulation to nature, macro, creative portrait, photojournalistic style photography and more.
Recent works published, exhibitions and more:
Most recently my family and myself have relocated from Illinois to Mississippi and are eagerly looking forward to what this next chapter in life will bring.
2015 Work exhibited in the Trimpe building, on the Lewis and Clark Community College, Godfrey, IL Campus.
2014 Spring Music Calendar for Lewis and Clark Community College, which exclusively features my photography.
2014 I had work exhibited at the Hatheway Art Gallery at the Hatheway Cultural Center, on the Lewis and Clark Community College, Godfrey, IL Campus. In this juried show I will have B&W Digital Photography, Color Digital Photography, Photoshop manipulation and advertising pieces on display.
Outstanding Digital Photography Student 2014 Award.
This time of the year I spend more time behind my computer than behind the lens. So, today I decided to spend some of the computer time researching ways to take better pictures of the snow and shooting in frigid temps. What follows are links that I found useful, hope you enjoy them too!!
Great article about photographing snow from, NYFalls
Quick cold weather temps tips from, National Geographic
Portrait shoots in the cold from, Elizabeth Halford
Gearing up for the cold from, The Imperfect Photographer
Living in a State of Jen is not responsible for the contents or reliability of the linked web sites and does not necessarily endorse the views expressed within them. Listing should not be taken as endorsement of any kind. We cannot guarantee that these links will work all of the time and we have no control over the availability of the linked pages.
I love photography and most of the time even the work is fun but sometimes it is just plain work! I started off the night feeling very creative and ready to rock, after about an hour I just wanted to throw my camera out the window. I am not a fan of working in my home for wide angle ghost shots, there is just so much to contend with. Also, not a fan of photographing myself, thank god for a remote shutter release!! Honestly, I usually love long exposure and light painting I guess just wasn't feeling very inspired/creative by what I was doing; after three hours of "working the shots" I only had one shot that didn't make me wince in pain quiet as bad as the rest. Hope the next project goes better!
This weeks adventure in advanced digital photography was called, Anything but a camera. We were allowed to use anything other than our cameras to capture images. I chose to use my phone, my phone with apps and a flatbed scanner. I have to say my favorite part was the scanner; I was really surprised by some of the results!! Oh, my son did ask if he could scan his rear end, lol.
It seems it is time for a change and to be honest with you I am really excited about it. I have had the pleasure, honor and blessing for the last fourteen years to be a stay-at-home mom. As of this fall I am now a full time college student again.
I have so many mixed emotions! I cannot begin to tell you how blessed I feel being able to be here for their lives, first words, first steps, first day of school, first friends, first heartaches, all of the class parties, field trips, and the list goes on and on. I Have always been here when the walk in the door. Oh god, I am going to miss this part so much!
I am so exhilarated about this new chapter in my life. Going back to college after almost fifteen years, is kinda terrifying though! Not to mention being in class with a bunch of late teens makes me feel really old. LOL I made a lot of mistakes early on in my life and I am so grateful to be getting this second chance. I never dreamed I would be attending college on an academic scholarship, guess I’m smarter than I realized.
What this means for this site and my work, well it means it is only going to get better! For the last few years photography has been a seriously passionate hobby and at times a bit of extra income. Now it is becoming a huge part of a career path. To the few of you that have asked about portraiture work, no I will not be doing any this fall and possibly the spring. I am really concentrating on my classes and the work. Drop me a line if you are looking for some pics for this summer though! I am sure I will be looking to fill my portfolio and will probably cut some really good deals.
I am totally psyched about my classes this fall, I am majoring in Computer Graphics and my fall line-up is Adobe Illustrator, Photoshop, basic design and photography.
I will be opening up some new galleries on the sight so feel free to follow my work. It should be interesting to say the least. I am currently working on shooting clean. What that means is there will be NO EDITING to my photos. That’s right no Photoshop; no cropping, no exposure work, color, contrast or anything else. What you will see will be exactly what I shot. Let’s hope they are good because some of these will get turned in for grades. I might also add a bit of stuff from my other classes just to keep it interesting.
Oh and feel free to drop some comments! I would love any constructive criticism.
Well hears to sad goodbyes and happy new beginnings!
Jen
Oh, and to Stephen and Alexis, mom’s still/always here. You will always be the most important part of my life. I love you more than words can say and I am so proud of both of you!!
Here is link to my first couple of weeks. I hope you enjoy!!
I despise cold weather, not dislike but truly despise. Unfortunately for me I live in the Midwest which means anywhere from, four to five months out of the year, I want to hibernate. Since I am not a bear I have to figure out things to do that will keep me from becoming totally depressed. I also have found that after the first of the year it is the hardest. No more holidays to look forward to just the long wait for spring thaw and mud. Three things happen to me between January and march I go a little stir crazy, I watch about three times the amount of television I do the rest of the year and I perpetually rearrange the house. In December I started trying to come up with a plan to deal all of them. I had to do something different otherwise my husband Billy would kill me for rearranging the furniture for the hundredth time. Don’t get me wrong I have tons of other projects and hobbies it’s just that I get… restless and am always looking for something new to do. So as I was saying before, in December I started coming up with a plan to a sway my husband’s anguish over moving furniture so I decided I was going to learn to knit, or at least give it one hell of a try. Not to mention this skill would kill two birds with one stone, I can watch television while making something. 
Last week I picked up a package with book, needles and other assorted goodies to learn how to knit with. I was off to the races or at least that was true until I opened the book and started looking at this form of Greek/ Latin abbreviated instruction form, at this point my heart sank. There are many things I can learn from a book anything from history, science to algebra but when it comes to the craft skills I do much better being physically shown. Someone shows me once twice maybe a third time if it is complicated, then I try, said person tells me if I am doing something wrong then I am usually good to go with some practice. Unfortunately I don’t know anyone who knows how to knit or at least not that is going to have time to come to my house and teach me. So for the last week I have walked by that bag of goodies and sighed each time thinking I will sit down and figure this out…. Tomorrow. That was until last night.
Last night Billy decided he was going to learn how to knit. LOL and yes I really laughed out loud. Honestly though it really isn’t that hard to believe if you know Billy. This isn’t because he is a girly guy it is because the man loves knots. What can I say I have knotty husband. He loves to work with Para cord, leather and whatever else he can get his hands on. Yes I meant that last part to sound that ornery. If you learn nothing else about me through my writing it should be that I have a twisted, knotty and punny since of humor. Anyway, Billy picks up things like this very quickly and he is my favorite teacher. Within an hour we had collectively learned how to cast on, knit stich, pearl stich, although I had to teach him that one, not sure why he couldn’t get it as easy as knit considering it is just a reverse. May I say he is my favorite student also, we teach each other a lot. Billy also managed binding off stiches; I will work on that tonight. I love learning new crafts especially with Billy. I believe in knitting together we are knitting more than just yarn it helps knit us together and there is always something that needs mending in a marriage.
One last thing I am constantly revising song’s lyrics to fit the situation or word of the moment and this seems to have rubbed off on the rest of the family. So last night as we knitted Billy came up with a new twist to an oldie and of course I put in my own stich too.
Original song Harry Belafonte’s great classic Day- O
Day-o, day-o
Daylight come and me want to knit at home
Day, is a day, is a day, is a day, is a day, is a day-o
Daylight come and me want to knit at home
knit all night until the morning come
(Daylight come and me want to knit at home)
knit stich, pearl stich till the morning come
(Daylight come and we want to knit at home)
Come Mister Billy Man, and knit me sweater
(Daylight come and we want to knit at home)
Come Mister Billy Man, and knit me sweater
(Daylight come and we want to knit home)
they are 6 foot, 7 foot, 8 foot scarf
(Daylight come and we want to knit at home)
6 foot, 7 foot, 8 foot scarf
(Daylight come and we want to knit at home)
Hope you all have a great Day-O
Jennifer Horton 1/23/13
When I got up this morning I had no idea what I was going to write about but by the time I dropped off the kids at school I knew exactly what subject I wanted to tackle, mothers and daughters.
The day started as it always does, kids up, breakfast and lunches made, teeth and hair brushed then off to get dressed, this is where the meltdown happened. My daughter asked to wear the same sweater she had on the day before. She frequently wears two layers such as T-shirt and sweater in case she gets overly warm in the classroom. Well, Her thought was that she had only worn it for a short bit and it was more than clean enough to be worn a second day. Now, I am constantly telling the kids if you only wore it for fifteen minutes hang it back up don’t throw it in the wash or you will do all the laundry for the week. If you’re a parent then you know how fast the laundry piles up especially with kids who throw clean laundry in to the pile instead of rehanging it. I wasn’t fond of the idea of her wearing the same top to school two days in a row so I told her it would be better if she picked a different sweater. She happily agreed and headed back up to her room to pick a different one. I followed her up to her room.
There is a reason I followed her to her room. My daughter is almost ten and like so many her age an older she can stand in her closet for an hour before she determines what she will wear that day. While I respect her need to feel good about her clothing choices I also have a schedule to keep and hoped to be able to move her through this process a little quicker. By the way we usually pick out clothes either the night before or even for the whole week on Sundays to help avoid this conundrum.
I pulled hangers out of the closet quickly asking, “This one?”
Shortly answered by, “No”
“Why”
“Too pink”
“Ok, what about this one”
“Too itchy”
“Alright what about this one”
“Ehh, no”
“What’s wrong with it?”
“I just don’t like it”
“Then why did I buy it for you?”
“I don’t know?” followed by a look that says I don’t know what the hell you were thinking when you bought that.
Now here is where I really am starting to get annoyed. See, for the most part my children pick out all their own clothes, reason being trying to get kids to where clothes they don’t like is akin to pulling teeth. So within reason they pick all their own clothes just so I can avoid mornings like these. Unfortunately if I am lucky enough to buy something that is big enough to fit for more than a season they probably won’t like it that long, and that is what was happening here.
I reached into the closet and pulled out one more sweater. This one is to me at least was really nice. It is an Old Navy, blue and white knit, non-itchy soft cotton. She gave me the look, if you’re a mom of a girl you know this look, if not your missing out on one of those things that will piss you off and make you smile at the same time.
She says, “I don’t like it!”
I say, “Why?”
She says, “I just don’t like it.”
“Well there is nothing wrong with it and we are running out of time. Just put it on you never know you might actually like it, you used too.” I say.
At this point I am shoving the sweater over her head tucking arms in and hoping for the best. The face on the head that pops from the top of the hole I immediately want to stuff back in. She is totally pissed off, has ceased all speech and is starting to cry. Ladies most of you will know this moment, you are upset to the point your angry and you don’t want to cry but it happens anyway. What makes this worse is my daughter splotches horribly when she cries, big pinkish red splotches all over her face, and it’s even worse when she tries not to cry which she is currently trying not to do.
“What’s wrong?” is my response.
Of course to this I get no verbal response but the tears are starting the trail down her cheeks.
“Alexis, why are you crying over a sweater?” I say.
“I..I…I just dddon’t liiike it.” She finally responds through her tears.
Now, please understand something here I truly believe in picking your battles with your children and clothing is usually a subject that I will not battle over. Yet for some odd reason in this moment I feel it is necessary to teach her some perspective, for Christ sakes it’s only a sweater. Yes I am a woman and I know it’s never only just about the sweater but honestly I want her to learn to like herself even in a sweater she doesn’t like and I decide to commit fully to the battle.
“Alexis it’s fine, you look fine besides you will probably take it off the moment you get into the classroom anyway. Just wear the freaking sweater.”
She looks up at me with big watering eyes and splotchy face and now she is truly entering in to the pissed off zone. Of course being a human being and a parent of multiple children this just pisses me off more. This is not my first argument about clothes with a child and now that I have committed to this battle so I am damn well going to win. By the way, the kids totally get their stubbornness from me.
So again I tell her she will be fine and to get downstairs and finish getting ready for school before she makes everyone late and what does she do? Well of course she just stands there. Now, I have learned not to continue arguing, not that I never do this there have been plenty of times I have fallen into that trap but today I was in my groove. I stepped behind her put my hand gently but firmly on her back and started pushing her to the door. Thank god she moved I would have really hated to have to drag her.
After she made it out of her room she made her way of her own volition the rest of the way downstairs. Another thank god for had she fought me all the way to the steps I may have pushed her down the stairs. Okay I wouldn’t really push her down the stairs but boy does she really know how to push my buttons. I passed her once I got downstairs and went about the rest of morning rituals.
A few minutes later I went to the living room to see her see her sort of plopped, heaped, pouting and crying on the side of the chair. This made me feel guilty. So I did what any self-respecting parents trying to teach their children character lessons do, I told her to get her coat and book bag and get her ass in the car, and yes I said ass. I was feeling guilty remember and that’s what many humans do when their feeling guilty, they get pissed off. Yes I know at this point I was only behaving about two degrees off from my daughter but hey I’m human.
In the car on our very short trip to school I tried my best to make her smile. Told her to take a few deep breaths to try and get rid of the splotches before she walked into school. Of course when she went to get out of the car I told her learn something new, have fun and I love her as I do every day to both of my children. I got a very curt and grumpy love you too. I am grateful for that if for no other reasons than the kids know I will holler it out the window till the say it back if they don’t answer in the car.
Little side note, even my thirteen year old son says I love you every time he leaves or before he hangs up a phone. It’s a big deal to me that the last thing my kids hear from me is I love you. You never know what will happen in life and I want the last thing they ever hear me say to them to be, I love you. Since they have heard this lesson and the words so many times they now have adopted as their own and I really love that.
Well back to Alexis. She didn’t even give me a sideways glance as she climbed out of the car. She joined up with a friend as she started to make her way in I heard he brightly say, “Hey, look I got a new backpack!”
I am so glad that even when she is completely pissed off at me she can still find happiness in her day. I love my daughter’s spirit especially her strong will!
Jennifer Horton 1/24/13
Tic, tic boom, is what the life of a parent of a thirteen year old boy with Tourette’s syndrome can feel like.
It has been a mad dash since we walked in the door. Even before the kids get out of the car they are arguing over who will get to use the downstairs bathroom. We have three bathrooms it’s just that none of them want to be the one who has to walk up the stairs.
Then they bum rush the kitchen for food, with this there is always the same questions. Can I have chips? Can I have some sort of candy? These questions are almost always answered with no, fruit, yogurt or something healthy. Sometimes I think they ask so much just to see if they can wear me down, don’t tell them, but sometimes there pretty close to it.
The kids pull out all their homework; I ask if they need help with anything. Some nights I can go ahead and start making dinner, this was not one of those nights. Tonight, they both need help. My son is thirteen and in the seventh grade and honestly some of his math homework boggles my mind. I am far from being stupid but honestly I haven’t used algebra in years and was never all that good at it. The things I do understand I am usually told, no not that way we can’t do it that way, the teachers want us to do it this way, which means I am going to have to sit down and read the text and learn how they want it done, then I can start helping him through it.
Somewhere in here one of their friends will usually knock on the door they are greeted by me saying sorry, this one or that one is still finishing their homework, they will then ask if they can wait around until they are done. Tonight I say no and send them on their way, I am not sure how I am going to keep up with my kids tonight, there is no way I am having a house full of teens. I also wonder when these other kids do their homework or if they even ever go home. Oh well no time to think about that “we” have homework to do.
I sit down to start looking over my sons work and about this time my daughter will call out, I need help. I will holler back, I will be there when I am done helping your brother, and I have to add, finish anything else you have until I get there. If I don’t add this last part she will sit there and do nothing until I get there and still have a ton of homework to do.
By the way, I do have a husband but he works swing shift and this week is his week on afternoons, which essential means I am a single mom this week. I make it through my sons work and then continue to my daughters. We still have spelling to do but I have learned to do this and fix dinner. Honestly there are a lot of nights that I fix dinner and do math, science, social studies or whatever else they bring home; sometimes there are multiple subjects and children all at the same time. It can make for really interesting dinners when you are trying to measure ingredients and do math.
Dinner time, this is where I try and catch up with my children’s lives we always do high low, which is the high part of the day and the low part. The kids are not allowed to get up from the table without telling me one good part of their day and with a thirteen year old going through the throws of puberty and middle school sometimes this can take a while. Here is where I also get to be a therapist. This one’s best friend didn’t play with them at recess or that one’s friend told someone they liked them. I take their concerns seriously and give the best advice I can. I was a kid once too and remember how heavy the world can feel.
Once we get through dinner Drama Theater we put leftovers away and clean up. You would think by the way they complain they were cleaning up after an army. Since there are no sports or other activities for them to go to tonight now is when they get to have their free time, you would think they would enjoy it. Most nights aren’t so bad sometimes I even get some quiet time. Tonight is not one of those nights. It is the middle of winter and too cold to go out and has been that way for a while. The natives are getting restless.
Within ten minutes my daughter complains that her brother promised he would play with her but now doesn’t want to. My daughter is nine and in the fourth grade and even though there is three and a half years between her and her brother they actually still spend time together and I am thankful for this. Well that is until they are at each other’s throats. I call down her brother and they reach a compromise and head back upstairs.
I am feeling pretty good about my mom power that is until a bit later I hear the crash followed by my daughter’s scream of pure rage. I walk to the bottom of the stairs and wait for them to descend and each give me their version of what happened. Then by some magical power I am supposed to know who is telling the truth and make a lofty and wise decision about that will, get it, as the kids say. Tonight I say they both are going to, get it, as they are not supposed to beat each other with swords in the house and of course something got broke. Don’t worry there not real swords just nerf, although there are days…..
I tell both of the kids to sit and they grumble their way to the couch. The kids have pushed me to my breaking point. The Xanax I have taken though it has made me tired and a bit loopy has barely taken the edge off. Please god just five minutes peace that is all I ask for.
Finally the kids are calming down and we cuddle together to watch one of our favorite shows. I know up to this point many parents are right here with me, here is one of the places our lives differ from the average. This is where the countdown begins.
Now, if you do not have Tourette’s or are not close to someone who has it you have no idea how busy a body can be. If you have ever sat next to a person covered in biting ants this might give you an idea of what it can be like. I cannot honestly tell you what it is like to be that person I do not have Tourette’s, I do hope someday my son will tell his story.
Now, to the countdown, First we start with butt tic, leg tic, hand tic, stomach tic, these are some of his current motor tics, when I say tic here imagine a twitch sometimes more pronounced than others. Let’s now add a clearing tic; this is a verbal tic which sounds like someone trying to sniff their nose when they have a cold, just louder and a bit more repetitive. Then back to the leg tic, stomach tic, add a shoulder and you’re getting the idea. Wait now we have a new one, another verbal one this one sounds like small almost high noise coming from the back of his throat along with a motor tic where he tightens his throat and lifts and slightly tilts his head. This combination of more than one motor and verbal tic makes this a complex tic as opposed to the simple one at a time tics. This has all happened in about thirty seconds and will repeat indefinitely. We are rocking and rolling now.
In the many years since my son’s diagnoses of Tourette’s I have become accustomed to our rock and roll, we cuddle and jump and jive together. Tonight it is harder, for almost the last year, up until the last couple of weeks his tics have been almost non-existent. They seem to have come back with a vengeance.
The only thing consistent about Tourette’s is that it is inconsistent, especially in children. The tics themselves are constantly changing; frequency and severity also change, sometimes different from day to day or hour to hour. For him though evenings have always been the worse. It makes perfect sense, it is when his mind and body are trying to relax and he has spent his whole day at school trying not to tic, so like a ticking time bomb his body has finally countdown and BOOM!
I am trying hard to ignore this he is self-conscious enough. I was doing pretty well to until he says, mom it hurts. Here is where I reach the end of my rope tie a knot and hold on.
All I can do is say I am so sorry baby. He leans his head in my lap and I stroke his face and hair trying to ease his tension because I know that will only make it worse. I want so badly in this moment to take this from him, my heart hurts. I flash back to the first year of his diagnoses and remember the sores on his fingers that lasted for months because of finger tics. I remember the day of his diagnoses in the neurologist’s office when I was given a name “Tourette syndrome,” a small pamphlet and a heart full of questions and fear. He says the words that are hidden in my mind, it’s not fair. All I can say is, no buddy it’s not but I love you and I’m here.
Sometimes all we can do for the people we love is love them and be there and I have to believe that it is enough.
Jennifer Horton
This is just a blip of a day and by no means covers ours or other’s lives that are living with TS.
I thought I would add a bit of information about Tourette’s Syndrome and a link to the National Tourette Syndrome Association
FACTS ABOUT TOURETTE SYNDROME
Answers to Most Commonly Asked Questions
What is Tourette Syndrome (TS)?
It is a neurobiological disorder characterized by tics–involuntary,
rapid, sudden movements and/or vocal outbursts that occur repeatedly.
What are the most common symptoms?
Symptoms change periodically in number, frequency, type and
severity–even disappearing for weeks or months at a time. Commonly, motor tics may be eye blinking,
head jerking, shoulder shrugging and facial grimacing. Vocally: throat clearing, sniffing and tongue
clicking.
What is the cause of the syndrome?
No definite cause has yet been established, but considerable
evidence points to abnormal metabolism of at least one brain chemical called dopamine.
How many people are affected?
As TS often goes undiagnosed, no exact figure can be given. But authoritative estimates indicate that some 200,000 in the United States are known to have the disorder.
All races and ethnic groups are affected.
Is it inherited?
Genetic studies indicate that TS is inherited as a dominant gene, with about 50% chance
of passing the gene from parent to child. Sons are three to four times more likely than daughters to exhibit
TS.
Is obscene language (coprolalia) a typical symptom of TS?
Definitely not. The fact is that cursing,
uttering obscenities, and ethnic slurs are manifested by fewer than 15% of people with TS. Too often,
however, the media seize upon this symptom for its sensational effect.
Do outbursts of personal, ethnic and other slurs by people with TS reflect their true feelings?
On the contrary. The very rare use of ethnic slurs stems from an uncontrollable urge to voice the forbidden
even when it is directly opposite to the actual beliefs of the person voicing it.
How is TS diagnosed?
Diagnosis is made by observing symptoms and evaluating the history of their
onset. No blood analysis, X-ray or other type of medical test can identify this condition. The TS
symptoms usually emerge between 5 and 18 years of age.
How is it treated?
While there is no cure, medications are available to help control TS symptoms. They
range from atypical neuroleptics, to neuroleptics, to anti-hyperactive drugs, to anti-depressants.
Individuals react differently to the various medications, and frequently it takes some time until the right
substance and dosage for each person are achieved. Almost all of the medications prescribed for TS
treatment do not have a specific FDA indication for the disorder.
Is there a remission?
Many people with TS get better, not worse, as they mature. In a small minority of
cases symptoms remit completely in adulthood.
Do TS children have special educational needs?
As a group, children with TS have the same IQ range
as the population at large. But problems in dealing with tics, often combined with attention deficits and
other learning difficulties, may call for special education assistance. Examples of teaching strategies
include: technical help such as tape recorders, typewriters or computers to assist reading and writing and
access to tutoring in a resource room. Under federal law, an identification (“child with a disability”) under
the other health impaired category may entitle the student to an Individual Education Plan.
What future faces people with TS?
In general people with TS lead productive lives and can anticipate a
normal life span. Despite problems of varying severity, many reach high levels of achievement and
number in their ranks as surgeons, psychiatrists, teachers, executives and professional musicians and
athletes.
Tourette Syndrome Association 42-40 Bell Boulevard, Suite 205. Bayside, New York 11361
(718) 224-2999 fax: (718) 279-9596
http://tsa-usa.org email: [email protected]
A few weeks ago my 9 year old daughter and I were watching TV when she says, “I want to look like her.”
Considering I am a photographer I spend a lot of time enhancing people’s beauty through Photoshop and my daughter has watched and giggled while I do this, my response was, “She doesn’t really look like that, you know. You see what I do when I work from removing pimples to smoothing out skin and hair. Also she has a professional make-up and hair artist and there are people there manipulating lighting and other things to make her look like that.”
She just sighed and said, “I know but I still want to look like that.”
Well this made me sigh and think. It seems like no matter how much our logical thought may tell us this is an impossibility to achieve, our emotional selves still believe we are lacking.
It astonishes me how we perceive our lives through two dimensional representations, whether it be a photograph, TV, magazines or just the top surfaces of other lives. What we keep failing to grasp is what two dimensional things are failing to show us is depth. In this depth is where true beauty lies.
Take this for example, have you ever held a photograph of a lover when they are absent from your life. No matter how wonderful this photograph may be it cannot begin to show you the true depth of that person. It cannot show how the sound of their voice or the scent of their skin can enhance their beauty and change how you perceive them.
For another example let’s use a picture from your wedding day. Someone else’s perception of it will be completely different than yours. Show it to someone else and they will a see a smiling happy couple on their wedding day. What you see is another story entirely. And that right there is the point, you see the story. Maybe you see the moment before the photograph was taken, when your spouse whispered in your ear and said you had just made them the happiest person on earth. Or maybe you see the many hard years that have come since that picture was taken and your feelings, perception, is even different from what it was the first time you held the photo in your hands.
Let me show you one more example. Many of us have had a crush on someone only to find out they were not who they appeared to be in the long run.
My point here is you cannot get true perspective of beauty from a two dimensional representation. It is that third dimension, life’s depth, where true beauty lies.
Beyond this whether you see beauty or ugliness in the truth all depends on how you perceive life.
How you see, perceive, life is a reflection of self but you must first get true perspective before you can change perception.
Perception is in the eye, at the time, of the beholder. Look deep to see the truth.
Peace, Love and Happiness,
Jen
Happy St. Patrick's day everybody!
Hope everyone has a fantastic day!
I spent my morning out enjoying the spring green in the fog.
Definitely looked like I was walking through Ireland, now if I only had a castle!
As I was walking through my yard I also realized one of the draw backs of having this really warm weather. I already need to mow! So I thought I would leave you with a song from one of my favorite St. Paddy's day bands.
The Tinkers
Take a listen it's a hoot!
WeedWacker/The Unicorn Song
Oh and Mic if you see this my kids I sing this every spring when we go out to pick up the yard and mow! :)
Have a great St. Paddy's day all!
Have Fun! Be safe!
Peace, love and Happiness,
Jen
What's New this year?!?!
We now have a blog!!
I hope everyone is having a fantastic year so far! It seems to be moving right along. I cannot believe we are already almost through February. Want to give a big thank you to all of you I have had the pleasure of working with. It's been a blast so far.
Now on to the New Year. Anybody who has stopped by the site in the last couple of months would notice there has been nothing new in a long time. :( We are in a very transitional phase right now. My family and I are going to be moving hopefully within the next few months. We are looking for the perfect place to call home! I am also very excitedly looking for a place that will include a photography studio.
In the meantime, as we make this transition I am going to also be cleaning up the site. Time to make room for all the fantastic things to come. Unfortunately that also means I cannot hold on to every photo ever taken as much as I love them. Starting in March client galleries will have an expiration date. All client galleries will be open for a minimum of 30 days. If no order is placed after 30 days I will assume no one is interested in these photos and I will close the gallery. If you order I will keep the gallery open for an additional 30 days, if requested. If you have registered your email with us I will send you an email with a link to your gallery and the expiration date.
Don’t forget we offer our images on everything from small to extra-large prints, gallery wraps, cups, T-shirts, magnets and sooo much more! Be sure to check out our packages there is some great deals!
Lots more coming soon!
Peace, love and happiness,
Jen